Cannot Be Forgiven
by Amilya Eclair Farron
Summary: It surprises him when Raphael asks him a question, "What is it you're searching for?" : Written in response to the 75th challenge of the ygodrabble community on LiveJournal :


**Title:** Cannot Be Forgiven  
**Rating:** PG  
**Fandom:** _Yu-Gi-Oh!  
_**Characters:** Alister, Dartz, Raphael, Valon  
**Pairings:** None.  
**Summary:** So it surprises him when Raphael asks him a question. "What is it you're searching for?"  
**Word Count:** 596  
**Author's Note:** My friend invited me over to her place to try and relax and have a break from all that's going on at home and thought I should write something in response to the ygodrabble challenge (located over at livejournal) and read to me what the prompt is and this is what came to mind. I've already uploaded it on my LJ account but figured I'd post it here, too.  
**Warnings:** None.  
**Disclaimer:** _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ does not belong to me and the same is said for its characters.

* * *

The man named Dartz – _Master_ Dartz, he corrects himself, as that's what the mysterious man wishes to be addressed – told him not to think about it. That he should push the feeling of loss aside and focus on his revenge.

But he can't help it.

It's only been eight days since he's lost his little brother.

Maybe he could deal with it better if he could get his revenge _now_ but Master Dartz tells him to wait. He wants him to learn how to master this children's card game and he also needs to prove his worth to this thing called the Orichalcos.

But he doesn't want to wait.

He wants to avenge his brother.

God, how could he let this happen?

When little Miruko was born, his mother and father told him his new role as a big brother and how important his role is—_was_. As a big brother it was up to him to make sure Miruko stayed safe and that he needed to look out for him.

But then the war hit.

And he never took his role as an older brother more seriously than he did then.

How could he fail at his role?

He tries not to think about the disappointment his parents must feel towards him.

He tries not to think about how disappointed Miruko is in him.

Although, he won't deny that he doesn't deserve it because he knows he does. In his mind's eye, he can see his mother's sorrowful face and his father's hard glare and his little brother's tearstained face. And it seems to get worse at night because he can hear his mother asking him why, why, WHY he let this happen and Miruko is asking him the same thing and his father is deadly silent and he wants this to just be a bad dream.

But when he wakes the next morning it's obvious that it's not.

Besides, his heart is hurting far too much and it's a constant reminder to him that it's not a dream.

It's a nightmare that's now his reality.

And it's clear to him that his peace of mind has been stolen.

Funny, he thinks bitterly, he came to the conclusion that it was stolen when the war started.

As he gets older his need for sleep lessens and lessens and it makes the others think that he has insomnia.

It's not long until two new recruits come into the picture and soon the three are given a title by Master Dartz.

The Three Swordsmen, he calls them.

He and Raphael get along well enough and it's Raphael that ensures the peace between the Australian and him. If only because the man wishes to not displease Master Dartz and to avoid Gurimo's lectures as much as possible. But, otherwise, the three hardly know anything about the other.

So it surprises him when Raphael asks him a question.

"What is it you're searching for?"

Alister is never startled, but this question causes him to give a little jerk. His cool gray eyes meet Raphael's retreating back. Perhaps the man knew the redhead wasn't going to answer him. But why ask then?

He's glad that no one else is around when the blond asked his question and he's glad that no one else has entered the kitchen. It gives him time to mull over the question and it doesn't take him long to find his answer.

He's searching for forgiveness for failing his little brother.

Even though he knows, deep down, that is a sin he cannot be forgiven for.


End file.
